How to Look for Love and Relationships!

Into Thy Word -

Session I

One way to look at the world of love and relationships is to see it as a big, dark, and foreboding maze, with many paths we could undertake, each plotted with all kinds of options, potential traps, and dangers. As we venture into this maze, we come face to face with our fears, doubts, and into conflict with all kinds of opportunities and ideas, as well as with others, seeking the same path. When we are faced with so many paths and choices, we can become frustrated, and be led to the possibility of wrong decisions. This, in turn, can become a string of lost, and broken friendships that further direct our lives toward conflict and strife. Or, perhaps we find the right path, by chance, leading to a life of contentment, harmony, and love. Do we stay away? Or, do we proceed? If we stay off the path, we end up in loneliness and despair. If we take our chances, we can get lost and hurt. So, what do we do? We need to be willing to choose a direction, and move ahead on that path. Then, the questions become, what is that direction? How can I find it? We may ask, and even plead, what do I do? Where do I go? With whom do I share my life? Is there a Divine plan for me? Do I need to prepare myself first, or can we just dive right in and stay, on our own whims? Or, Do I seek God’s precepts, so I can take the path with more confidence?

The key is to take seriously what God’s Word has to say, His timeless, tested, and righteous path on which we can walk. We can go into that dark maze armed with the Light of His Word so we can take risks, and make right decisions; we can find, and form friendships that work! After all, the meaning of the Christian life is relationships, first with God, and then with the others around us. That is why we are on this earth. This is the only experience we take with us into eternity. When we are walking on His path, with His Light, we will experience the wonder and excitement of life. Let us be willing to look up and experience His Wonder!

Believe it or not, it has been my experience, as a pastor and counselor, that few Christians ever seek God in their relationship choices; they just dive into a pool that usually has no water in it. Choosing the right path through that maze of dark apprehensions will be the most important decision we ever make, because this is what will echo into eternity. Relationship choices are far more important than our other daily decisions, including what school or career to undertake. Yet, few take this seriously.

When we venture into the confusing maze of relationships, the options confronting us will cause us either to embrace others with eagerness, or become fearful, and alone. One path may make us content, the other bitter. These trepidations are a natural defense mechanism warning us away from dangerous situations. Added to these natural fears are all the various attitudes of our culture, and the desires of our will, all diverging with one another, causing chaos and conflicts. Meanwhile, Christ is seeking us, beckoning us to follow Him out of that deep, dark, dangerous maze to a path of solid, lasting relationships, close friendships, dating, love, finding the right spouse, even developing a healthy marriage.

Relationships are important. Yes, there are other activities and goals that preoccupy us in life, such as our jobs, cars, hobbies, money, and having fun. However, consider this thought: when you are at the end of your sojourn on this earth, what will you have received from it? What will you take with you? Will it be that successful career? What about that hobby that took all of your time? Would it be the wealth that you accumulated? I am not saying these things are not important to pursue; rather, they are just a few of the means to do what really is important, and that is, Relationships! Career, material accumulation, activities, money, and having fun are not the goals in life; they are only portions of the means to the goal. The reason for, and meaning of life is, again, relationships!

Read Romans 5:8; 1 Corinthians 14:1a; Colossians 1:3-8; 1 Thessalonians 5:8; 1 John 4:7-21 then discuss this section and answer these questions:

1. What do these passages teach us about love?

2. Is there something that one or more of these passages are saying to you, perhaps something that needs your attention?

3. Have you ever felt you were in a dark maze when it came to understanding love and relationships? If so, why?

4. Have you ever felt, I cannot, or, I have failed in relationships? Why did you feel that way?

5. How can these passages help you develop the mindset to fear not, and trust Him? How does this apply to how you understand and handle love?

6. What are some of the experiences you have had in relationships?

7. What role does love play in relationships, in general? What about in your relationships?

8. Relationships do include a variety of options and challenges. We can easily see many choices. What can we do to investigate them with a Biblical mindset, and not in a worldly manner?

9. Why do so many Christians fail to incorporate Biblical precepts when it comes to love and relationships, such as, whom will I date? or, who will be my best friend?

10. What do these passages tell us about how to navigate oneself through the maze of conflicting wordy ideas on love, and refocus our attention on God’s precepts?

11. Fear, and being overly cautious, also plays a big role in relationships. Some people fear being hurt, so they stay away. Have you ever felt so fearful that you decided not to proceed?

12. One of the things I have learned is, if we stay out of the maze, we end up in loneliness and despair. If we take our chances, and go for it without a map, we can get lost and hurt. So, what do we do?

13. Do you believe you can find God’s real purpose and plan for your life?

14. Do you have confidence that there is a Divine plan for you? If not, where do you place your hope and trust?

15. So, what do we do? How do we proceed in this maze?

16. What we need is a Tour Guide; so, who, or what will it be for you? How can this choice be crucial to the developing of good and lasting relationships?

17. How can these passages serve as a map for your life and purpose?

18. What have you learned from these passages?

19. What can you do to make sure you do not forget, so that these passages stay with you, always?

20. Which passage(s) should you memorize, so it is always on your mind when you meet, and get to know people, and develop your relationships?

Start to pray as a group, and individually at home, about how all we have talked about can make you a changed person, so you can apply these precepts to all of your relationships! The more time you spend in prayer, the more active His precepts will come alive in you!

Additional Thoughts

When we have prepared ourselves to better know ourselves, and what God has to say to us, we can start to find and make relationships work. We can start to see life as a pleasurable and exciting adventure, not a gloomy journey to endure, hoping something better comes along one day. When we find people with whom we can bond, we can start to see His dwelling of love and contentment emerges in our lives. Yes, we will have ups and downs, but the main anchor in our lives will be our solid, growing relationship with Christ, and His transforming presence employing us to empower others.

Once we learn how to get ourselves on the right path, we will discover helpful tips and Biblical ideas on how to form, and build healthy, quality relationships. We can even learn how to find the love of a lifetime and be able to keep it. Where our relationships are centered upon Him, because our life and mindset has been aligned to His, His best is available to us. This happens because we have yielded to Christ as Lord of our lives all of the time, so we can see His path through the maze and receive His best. We also must realize that sometimes we make the wrong choices and get ourselves lost. However, if we are willing to seek His help, Christ will help us through it, and work our wrong choices for good.

Some stay put in that land of choices, because it is fun, it is a party, and they enjoy it. Others feel that if you do that, you will put yourself in dangers that may lead into bad relationships. So, what do we do? How do we proceed?

What we need is a Tour Guide, rooted in timeless Biblical values that are true and real for you. It is my endeavor to show you how God’s Word is a sword--a machete--that will cut that path for you.

The key to navigating the maze is seeking the directions from God’s most precious Word, the right way to proceed into that maze of developing friendships, to dating choices to building family and marriages. We will help prepare you to come through life not only with the right decision and the love of your life, but with the tools, character, and ability to make godly, Christ- centered relationships work, filled with God’s blessings and purpose! Remember and take comfort in this even if you have done it all wrong, so to speak, God can, and will turn it around when your attention becomes focused upon Him and His precepts, from His Word.

Additional Questions for Singles:

Read: 1 Timothy 6:11; 2 Timothy 1:7; Hebrews 10:24

1. What qualities should we be looking for in our soul mate?

2. What should we avoid?

3. How do we find that love that will last a lifetime?

4. Is finding the right mate a matter of just being lucky, or, being in the right place at the right time?

5. Is it possible that someone else stole him, or her, from you?

6. Does God really care, and, does He have that special someone for you?

7. How do you find out?

Did you know that the current dating model most people use, from pre- teens to older adults, is ineffective at best and dangerous at worst? Our dating traditions result in a 50%+ divorce rate, which is the same in the church as it is in secular society (statistics are consistent from the United States Census Bureau, Barna Research and Focus on the Family). This means people who attend a religious institution, claiming to be a Christian, have the same divorce rate as people who do not go to a church, as people who hang out in bars, showing their contempt toward God. This translates that as Christians, we have a problem with building and maintaining relationships. And, the relationships that do tend to last have major problems too. Just ask any counseling Pastor or Christian marriage counselor and they will say that a significant amount of the marriages that stay together are mostly miserable and dysfunctional. Something is definitely wrong.

What should we do? What do we need to consider and to avoid?

For this quest, let us venture into God’s most precious Word, and examine the Scriptures carefully to find His Will. The Bible holds the truth for life today, including how and with whom you should be building a life. If you feel that the Bible is not the paradigm for your faith and practice, or for your standard for relationships, then you will find yourself disappointed and hurt in life. The perspective we are to have is a desire for what God wants, not what we want. Our focus is to be on Him, because He has the best plan for us! Our plans will only lead us to make the wrong decisions and miss out on the best opportunities and situations He has for us.

The first thing we have to realize is that God does care, and has a plan for you, even when you cannot see it. So, be willing to learn and develop your character. Study the Word, seek wisdom, be prudent, and lean on the strength of the Lord! These things do not come to you by chance; they come by knowing and following Christ (Proverbs 12:4; 28:20; 31:10)!

Consider this: Without the right attitude and perspective on life, without glorifying God, and following His Will, you will not find the real quality love relationship for your life! You will be taking a gamble with what is priceless and precious, that you get it right.

Into Thy Word Ministries

www.intothyword.org